Never fear the shadows!

"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Fortune cookie, Peking Garden, North Dartmouth, MA.

My kids and I went out to eat Wednesday night. They decided they wanted Chinese, so off we went to Peking Garden. It has a decent buffet. We had our usual chit chat, my daughter saying she might not be with me because of a dance this weekend. My son showing me the big hunk of crab he finagled whole out of the crab leg. We finished our meal and the waitress brought the check and requisite fortune cookies. My daughter broke open hers, which said, "Let the sun shine on your soul!". A very profound saying and one we should all take to heart. Then I cracked open mine. It got me to thinking about my life, my journey, and all the shadows I have had to face.
I am not one who shares too much about himself. I hear many of you saying, really! But it is true. I will share a bit with you now. Over the past couple of months, I have been facing a number of shadows. Our company was bought out and the new company prefers to outsource IT. For the time being, they have found that it is cheaper to keep us, though I feel that it is temporary as they try to sort this out. This created an uncertainty in my work life. As if that wasn't bad enough, I had developed a bulge that started to bleed one night when the pajama seam cut into it. A trip to the ER later and I was hearing words like biopsy, colonoscopy, surgery. So a shadow encroached on my health.
Now during this time, I was also having doubts about my journey, who I was, what I was doing here online moderating two sites and assisting with some others. I was feeling that a lot of what I was writing wasn't worth spit. I was seriously considering taking everything down. Yet more shadows. Fortunately, the one bright shining light was my wife and my kids. Though, my wife's family were having all kinds of medical problems.
Now through this all, the demands of my job still requiring long hours, off-hours, etc, while you got it in the back of your head that they are going to outsource your job. I kept asking myself why I was killing myself for a job that I might not even have. Well, I was reading a book by Joseph Marshall III, called Lakota Way, Stories and Lessons for Living. There in those pages I saw it. It was about being true to oneself. Having integrity, being perserverant, being brave, and being humble. The great stories helped to inspire me to keep going. One of the main reasons I do is because of what my former CFO told me, I had integrity. So I keep going, facing the shadows that cross my path, having fortitude. Sometimes, we need those little reminders.
I kept going. I have been through most of the medical. The colonoscopy revealed some polyps but pathology reported them benign. The bulge turned out to be a type of cyst but because of the depth, they only put in drains the first surgery and will clean it out with the next. In a way, it was good that this happened because it caused the doctor to order a colonoscopy sooner than normal. There was one large polyp that could have become cancerous if I had waited much longer.
On the job front, there is a stay of execution so to speak, when they found out it costs more than double to outsource. So they are looking at maybe sending more development our way. Stay tuned. My father-in-law is out of the hospital and doing fairly well. My sister-in-law is doing better when it was realized that she had an infection after her surgery and she got the proper treatment. So there is light nearby.
I still have one more surgery, but that is going to wait until after my trip. I am heading west. Going to visit the ancients in New Mexico. So please, don't be worried if I don't post for a week. I won't have a computer out there. Talk amongst yourselves, I will catch up when I get back.
Though to be sure, I will go through withdrawals.
Many blessings to you all. There is always a light nearby the shadows.
My heart to your heart, one heart, one spirit.
White Wolf